Phew! But sigh...
Well, i'm feeling a little better about the google-K-Fed thing now.. it seems the order in which the results come up are random.. the number changed when i did the search again... Now just gotta hope I don't come up as the second result after something like www.britneyboobies.com or something... ><
OK, so that's the phew part done with... On with the sighing.
I wonder what's going on with that one girl. We were meant to have lunch today after not meeting for a long, long time... then she canceled on me last night. Well, at least she gave me notice.. didn't have to make up some excuse to parents to go out.
But what is it with me and her? It's almost a year since I first thought I might have feelings for her... There was that wonderful high we shared on the 31st of March last year, then after that it seems to have gone down from then... Well, part of the time at least. We did go clubbing together quite a lot last year, and some badminton and squash games, just for the exercise. But every time I arrange to go out with her and it's all set up perfectly, either she cancels on me or she brings a friend. I've nothing against her bringing a friend, especially since her friend happens to be a friend of mine too. What is it about me and her? Is she intimidated by me?
Well, then came Prom Night last year. Probably left it too late to ask her out to that. She was already going with some other guy, haven't seen his face around here lately.
Maybe I was, to an extent, intimidated by her. Not when I'm with her in person though. The rest of the time. That song "She's so high" by Tal Bachman comes to mind. She's one of those girls who can get any guys she wants, just like that. And she has that class thing that not many Malaysian girls can pull off. That appreciation for fine arts, that culture. We both attended a dance competition last year, not as entries, not together. She was there with her parents, and I was supposed to go with some friends and probably meet up with her. Not that I could work in front of her parents. She already hinted, quite subtly, that her parents would have a problem with a mixed coupling. Well, I don't feel that's a valid reason to deny love, but we haven't even determined if there is love here. There's an attraction to her on my part, and it's not just a physical thing. I feel like there might possibly be something more there. But how am I to ever know if we're not going out?
They say you can just know if you're in love, but I kinda disagree. Liking someone is a whole different animal from loving someone. And then there are the different types of love. Familial love, friend love and romance love. Of course there's pet love etc, but i'm only considering human relations here. Familial love doesn't necessarily mean there are family ties, that's what i feel. I feel you can have friends with whom there is familial love. There are some of my friends who I'm so close to, I feel like brothers to them, and lately I'm discovering I have a number of sisters too. It's a kind of protective/elder-brother younger sister love I have with some of these friends. Then there's the romance love.
Some say I've flitted in and out of various romances, I've kept count and there have been about 4-5 of those allegations. Let me clear this up right here, right now. There's only been ONE. The others might have served as delightful distractions from the fact that I can't get the girl. Can't is an interesting word. Sometimes I can't because of outside factors(not being able to see her, she's seeing someone else), other times it's just me. My hesitation. My awe of her. My not-wanting-to-fuck-up-everything-I-have-right-now-ness. Above all, my love for status quo. I realise, in retrospect, that my love for status quo has been my biggest downfall. The reason I didn't seek self-improvement in Disted College, Adelaide and DiL. The reason I hesitated to ask her out earlier. The reason I... sigh..
Regrets.. what are they good for?
OK, so that's the phew part done with... On with the sighing.
I wonder what's going on with that one girl. We were meant to have lunch today after not meeting for a long, long time... then she canceled on me last night. Well, at least she gave me notice.. didn't have to make up some excuse to parents to go out.
But what is it with me and her? It's almost a year since I first thought I might have feelings for her... There was that wonderful high we shared on the 31st of March last year, then after that it seems to have gone down from then... Well, part of the time at least. We did go clubbing together quite a lot last year, and some badminton and squash games, just for the exercise. But every time I arrange to go out with her and it's all set up perfectly, either she cancels on me or she brings a friend. I've nothing against her bringing a friend, especially since her friend happens to be a friend of mine too. What is it about me and her? Is she intimidated by me?
Well, then came Prom Night last year. Probably left it too late to ask her out to that. She was already going with some other guy, haven't seen his face around here lately.
Maybe I was, to an extent, intimidated by her. Not when I'm with her in person though. The rest of the time. That song "She's so high" by Tal Bachman comes to mind. She's one of those girls who can get any guys she wants, just like that. And she has that class thing that not many Malaysian girls can pull off. That appreciation for fine arts, that culture. We both attended a dance competition last year, not as entries, not together. She was there with her parents, and I was supposed to go with some friends and probably meet up with her. Not that I could work in front of her parents. She already hinted, quite subtly, that her parents would have a problem with a mixed coupling. Well, I don't feel that's a valid reason to deny love, but we haven't even determined if there is love here. There's an attraction to her on my part, and it's not just a physical thing. I feel like there might possibly be something more there. But how am I to ever know if we're not going out?
They say you can just know if you're in love, but I kinda disagree. Liking someone is a whole different animal from loving someone. And then there are the different types of love. Familial love, friend love and romance love. Of course there's pet love etc, but i'm only considering human relations here. Familial love doesn't necessarily mean there are family ties, that's what i feel. I feel you can have friends with whom there is familial love. There are some of my friends who I'm so close to, I feel like brothers to them, and lately I'm discovering I have a number of sisters too. It's a kind of protective/elder-brother younger sister love I have with some of these friends. Then there's the romance love.
Some say I've flitted in and out of various romances, I've kept count and there have been about 4-5 of those allegations. Let me clear this up right here, right now. There's only been ONE. The others might have served as delightful distractions from the fact that I can't get the girl. Can't is an interesting word. Sometimes I can't because of outside factors(not being able to see her, she's seeing someone else), other times it's just me. My hesitation. My awe of her. My not-wanting-to-fuck-up-everything-I-have-right-now-ness. Above all, my love for status quo. I realise, in retrospect, that my love for status quo has been my biggest downfall. The reason I didn't seek self-improvement in Disted College, Adelaide and DiL. The reason I hesitated to ask her out earlier. The reason I... sigh..
Regrets.. what are they good for?
posted by Raghuram at 11:57 pm
1 Comments:
go ask her out now.. not too late. find out what she has in mind.
Some things are not worth letting go till you know for sure rugs!
word from *elder sister*! eheheheh
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