Phew! But sigh...

Well, i'm feeling a little better about the google-K-Fed thing now.. it seems the order in which the results come up are random.. the number changed when i did the search again... Now just gotta hope I don't come up as the second result after something like www.britneyboobies.com or something... ><

OK, so that's the phew part done with... On with the sighing.

I wonder what's going on with that one girl. We were meant to have lunch today after not meeting for a long, long time... then she canceled on me last night. Well, at least she gave me notice.. didn't have to make up some excuse to parents to go out.

But what is it with me and her? It's almost a year since I first thought I might have feelings for her... There was that wonderful high we shared on the 31st of March last year, then after that it seems to have gone down from then... Well, part of the time at least. We did go clubbing together quite a lot last year, and some badminton and squash games, just for the exercise. But every time I arrange to go out with her and it's all set up perfectly, either she cancels on me or she brings a friend. I've nothing against her bringing a friend, especially since her friend happens to be a friend of mine too. What is it about me and her? Is she intimidated by me?
Well, then came Prom Night last year. Probably left it too late to ask her out to that. She was already going with some other guy, haven't seen his face around here lately.

Maybe I was, to an extent, intimidated by her. Not when I'm with her in person though. The rest of the time. That song "She's so high" by Tal Bachman comes to mind. She's one of those girls who can get any guys she wants, just like that. And she has that class thing that not many Malaysian girls can pull off. That appreciation for fine arts, that culture. We both attended a dance competition last year, not as entries, not together. She was there with her parents, and I was supposed to go with some friends and probably meet up with her. Not that I could work in front of her parents. She already hinted, quite subtly, that her parents would have a problem with a mixed coupling. Well, I don't feel that's a valid reason to deny love, but we haven't even determined if there is love here. There's an attraction to her on my part, and it's not just a physical thing. I feel like there might possibly be something more there. But how am I to ever know if we're not going out?

They say you can just know if you're in love, but I kinda disagree. Liking someone is a whole different animal from loving someone. And then there are the different types of love. Familial love, friend love and romance love. Of course there's pet love etc, but i'm only considering human relations here. Familial love doesn't necessarily mean there are family ties, that's what i feel. I feel you can have friends with whom there is familial love. There are some of my friends who I'm so close to, I feel like brothers to them, and lately I'm discovering I have a number of sisters too. It's a kind of protective/elder-brother younger sister love I have with some of these friends. Then there's the romance love.

Some say I've flitted in and out of various romances, I've kept count and there have been about 4-5 of those allegations. Let me clear this up right here, right now. There's only been ONE. The others might have served as delightful distractions from the fact that I can't get the girl. Can't is an interesting word. Sometimes I can't because of outside factors(not being able to see her, she's seeing someone else), other times it's just me. My hesitation. My awe of her. My not-wanting-to-fuck-up-everything-I-have-right-now-ness. Above all, my love for status quo. I realise, in retrospect, that my love for status quo has been my biggest downfall. The reason I didn't seek self-improvement in Disted College, Adelaide and DiL. The reason I hesitated to ask her out earlier. The reason I... sigh..

Regrets.. what are they good for?

An all-time low...

This blog has officially reached it's lowest point in history.
I've recently found to my dismay that a search for Kevin Federline on Google.com submits my blog as one of the top 500 entries. What an insult to my blog. I bet all those CIA yuppies who've got nothing better to do are laughing it up at my expense right now.

Should probably change that video of him to something with a bit more class. Maybe there's an online video of a dog and a fire hydrant going about their daily business.

Does money make you more attractive?

Does money make you more attractive?
Forbes magazine
By Dan Savage, Forbes.com

Why do beautiful women keep marrying Donald Trump? Most people, at least most people who aren't billionaires or supermodels will answer that question with an insult directed at the latest Mrs Trump.

We know why rich men marry beautiful women: for the sex, naturally enough, maybe even the love, as well as the companionship and perhaps the social status that marriage confers on a companion. (Grown men, particularly wealthy ones, can have mistresses, but there's something childish about a billionaire with a girlfriend.)

No one cuts women who marry rich men the same slack. We refuse to believe they honestly find these men attractive, after all, the men they're marrying are usually decades older and long past their looks-good-in-the-light-naked expiration date. Models and actresses who marry obscenely wealthy men, everyone agrees, must be interested in the money alone, and the power and the status it brings. They get through the sex by gritting their teeth or thinking of other, more pleasant things. (Like, say, their new credit limits.)

Women are sex objects, the old saying goes, and men are success objects. Women, fairly or unfairly, are judged on their looks, and men, fairly or unfairly, are judged on their money, their power and their status. If Mr. Donald Trump were a dishwasher, it's a safe bet that supermodels would not clamor for the opportunity to be the next Mrs Trump. But The Donald is rich (although how rich is in dispute), and he's famous and he's powerful. That makes him much more appealing than a dishwasher of similar age, build and comb-over.

Is this latest Mrs Trump in it for the money? Will the next Mrs. Trump be in it for the money? Yes and yes, and you know what? That's OK. And you know what else? That fact doesn't preclude the possibility that Mrs. Trump is also in love with Mr. Trump.

But can a woman fall in love really, truly, deeply in love, if she was initially attracted to a man for his money? To show how ridiculous that question is, let me alter it just a bit: Can someone fall in love, really, truly, deeply in love if he was initially attracted to a woman for her legs? No one doubts the answer to the second question is "yes." Physical attraction can bring two people together and, if the pair is emotionally compatible, that initial attraction can lead to a lasting love.Well, the same goes for money. Like nice legs, a fat portfolio can bring two people together, and then, if they're lucky, that initial attraction can lead to a lasting love.

Insisting that it's simply not possible for a woman to really love a man whose wealth caught her eye is very deeply sexist. Our culture celebrates romantic love and equates physical desirability with sexual prowess and romantic self-worth. This is a male-centric view, an elevation of surface beauty over other qualities. But it's male-ish to say that only the size of a man's pecs or the shape of woman's rear end can inspire a genuine attraction, whereas obscene wealth always and everywhere inspires only money-grubbing gold-digging.

Yes, yes: Wealth can attract money-grubbing gold diggers, but that's not always the case. Determining whether someone who was initially attracted to you for whatever reason, because you've spent the last three years in the gym doing crunches, or because you're Ronald Perelman--is sincerely in love with you for who you are requires emotional insight, the advice of trusted friends and a good pre-nup lawyer.

So let's say a beautiful young woman of modest means falls in love with a rich and powerful older man. Will the love last? Maybe, maybe not. There have been many Mrs. Trumps, and Ronald Perelman is soon to be single again. People fall out of love for all sorts of reasons; whether it was wealth or looks that brought two people together, there's no guarantee that it will last. Wealth, however, does have one thing over looks: beauty fades, interest accrues. This works in billionaires' favor, but not, alas, in the supermodels.

Still, it is possible that this Mrs. Trump is no bore. It's possible that she may very sincerely love Mr. Trump for richer, if not for poorer. And heck, it's also entirely possible that she will be the last Mrs. Trump.