The game of tennis in my head...

Lately, I've been of two minds.

Hold up. You see where the comma is in the previous sentence? It should have been a line of dots, not a comma. Problem is, I wouldn't know when to stop the line. Can't use the phrase "draw the line", there'd be comprehension problems for a bit on your part.

My life of late has been... troubled. Watch Alfie, the movie... right about the 71st minute (T=0 at the Paramount thingy at the start). That's kinda my mood right now.

I'm starting to play my clarinet now, but the only tune in my head that I can push out through the clarinet is Smoke on the Water. For some reason.

Don't expect any sense or order for the content in this post, there's probably not going to be any.

Get to the 76th minute of Alfie, that sense of possibility of things getting better. That's another feeling in me.

Where was I?

Troubled. Two "Me"s.

78th minute, I never mean to hurt anyone. But do I?

Troubled. In a way I haven't been for awhile. I need the old man from the 81st minute for advice. I'm not a scholar by any description, I'm not the best student. Never have been.

Damn, I never want to go through my life to face rejection like in the 87th minute.

Social life, friends, I have plenty, and I'm happy with them. My friends keep my life full. They fill me with their troubles, they fill me with their pain... they fill me with their joy. It all balances up. It's fair, you don't abandon your friends when they need you, and they repay you by sharing their joyous moments with you as well. I find that if you have enough friends, your life never gets empty. To an extent. Make enough friends and they'll float your boat.

But there's more out there for me. Romance has never been something I have found easy to carry through. The thing I realise about me is, I'm all about strategy and never about carrying it out flawlessly. I don't mean never, but the majority of the time. My understanding of love might differ from most others, but mine encompasses theirs, so I'm not incapable of loving people romantically, I'm certain of that.

It will be two years soon. Two years of adoration for a single person. I find myself unable to love any other as I love her. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but my love for her is on a different level. Every so often, someone comes into my life to tell me to move on, but for something so easily said, it's not so easily done. I've tried, believe me.

I'm off to the post office tomorrow, I think I'm gonna send her a postcard.

The one thing I need to tell her, I've told everyone who knows both me and her. Courage fails me when the time comes to tell her.

Alfie is over... and I'm outta steam.

It's probably time I clear my bed and retire into the night. More blogging tomorrow, perhaps. Sigh.